Why I'm not katie fulltime..

I've often asked myself that very question.  Why do I keep up a facade of being masculine, when i dream of sleeping in nylon and lace, dressing in lingerie and sexy dresses, shoes, make-up..  I've kept this part of me suppressed for so long, and I often wonder why. 
It would bring much pain to my parents if they knew, yes.  It would make my professional life difficult, yes.  But mostly, would I be happier?  Would I be able to find the partner in crime that would bring me joy in life? 

Currently, I'm comfortable.  I am not bad looking as a guy, and have been successful finding love, just only as my boyself, not as katie. 
I've been successful in my career, (would love to learn more about solar!), but would i have been as successful as katie?  Probably not.
Would my family disown me?  Probably not, but I'm sure it would devastate my mother.  (She's old school, and very prejudice).  But is that enough for me to deny myself true happiness?
If I was born 20 years later, and had the internet growing up, I have no doubt I would have started hormones at 20, my desire is that strong.  But when i was growing up in the 70s and 80s, gays were ostracized, AIDs was a death sentance, and trans sexuals were deviants. 
Those who would willingly stand before the world and invite such abuse are beyond courageous.  Sadly, I was not.